Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
