I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
