too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
