ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
