Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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