In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
