My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
false alarm. still invincible.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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