does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
