nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Can you bring me the toilet please
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
