Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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