I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
