I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Alive.
So much puke
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
