I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
