We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
