im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
