I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
