Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
