You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
