white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
