he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
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