Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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