No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
