i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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