Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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