Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
