Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
