Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
