Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
