yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
