i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
