we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I AM VODKA MAN
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
