how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
