Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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