Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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