Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
