So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
