i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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