I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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