what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The air was thick with penises
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
