one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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