Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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