Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
