i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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