Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
