I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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