I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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