im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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