Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
