just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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