So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
