You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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