Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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